How to Release Perfectionism and Thrive in “Good Enough”

Perfectionism has excellent PR.

It masquerades as being “high-achieving,” “responsible,” or “just caring a lot.” It tells you that if you could just do things a little better, everything would feel calmer, smoother, more under control.

But for many women, perfectionism doesn’t bring peace—it brings exhaustion.

You’re trying so hard. You’re holding so much. And somehow, it still never feels like enough.

Let’s name this gently and clearly:

Striving toward perfectionism may temporarily help you cope, but it doesn’t help you thrive.

What Perfectionism Is Really About

Perfectionism isn’t a personality flaw. It’s usually a nervous system strategy.

For many women, it develops as a way to:

• Avoid criticism or rejection

• Stay emotionally safe

• Manage uncertainty

• Maintain control in environments where support was inconsistent

At its core, perfectionism says:

“If I do this right, I’ll be okay.”

The problem? There is no finish line. The goalpost keeps moving, and your body stays in a constant state of vigilance.

That’s not motivation. That’s survival.

When your system is braced for survival, it can feel impossible to relax—but there are practical steps that help your body and mind feel safe enough to step off the perfectionistic treadmill.

1. Redefine What “Success” Means

If success means:

• No mistakes

• No discomfort

• Everyone is happy

• You never drop the ball

…you’re setting yourself up to feel like you’re always failing.

Try this instead:

Success = responding to life with flexibility and self-compassion.

That means:

• Some days go smoothly; others don’t

• You mess up and repair

• You adjust instead of pushing harder

• You allow yourself to be human

This shift alone can reduce so much internal pressure.

2. Practice “Good Enough” on Purpose

Good enough is a skill—not a default setting. And yes, it feels weird at first. Your brain is used to over-functioning—but that’s exactly why practicing “good enough” is so powerful.

Here’s what it can look like in real life:

• Letting the house be and look lived-in

• Choosing a Netflix break over checking another task off the list

• Saying “this is sufficient” and actually closing your laptop

• Sending an email that’s perfectly clear, but not painstakingly edited six times

• Taking a 5-minute walk instead of reorganizing the pantry

Next time you face a task, try this mini exercise:

1. Pause and breathe.

2. Ask yourself:

“What’s actually required here? What would be enough to meet the goal without draining me?”

3. Let yourself stop there.

4. Notice how it feels in your body.

If you feel uncomfortable, choose a different coping mechanism other than “doing,” such as:

• Literally say out loud, “I give myself permission to let this be good enough.”

• Do some square breathing

• Journal about what's coming up for you

• Stretch or move your body

3. Notice When Perfectionism Is Actually About Control

Perfectionism gets louder when life feels uncertain.

Relationship tension. Parenting stress. Work pressure. Grief. Big transitions.

When you notice yourself spiraling into “fix it / optimize it / make it flawless” mode, pause and ask:

• What feels out of control right now?

• What am I afraid will happen if I don’t get this right?

• What do I actually need in this moment?

Often, the answer isn’t more effort—it’s regulation, support, or boundaries.

4. Let Go of the Myth That You Should Feel Better Once You “Get It Right”

One of perfectionism’s biggest lies is:

“Once this is done perfectly, I’ll finally relax.”

But relief never comes, because your body has learned to stay on high alert.

Healing isn’t about doing life better. It’s about learning how to feel safe enough to let yourself just be.

That’s a nervous system shift—not a mindset hack.

5. If You Mess Up: Repair, Don’t Shame

You will snap. You will forget something. You will wish you handled a moment differently.

Perfectionism says: “This proves you’re failing.”

A regulated response says:

“That didn’t go how I wanted. I can repair.”

Repair might look like:

• Apologizing

• Trying again

• Offering yourself compassion instead of criticism

Repair builds trust—with others and with yourself.

6. Remember What “Thriving” Actually Looks Like

Thriving doesn’t mean:

• Constant productivity

• Flawless performance

• Never needing help

Thriving looks like:

• Flexibility instead of rigidity

• Self-trust instead of self-criticism

• Rest without guilt

• Knowing when “enough” is enough

You don’t need to earn rest. You don’t need to perfect yourself to be worthy of ease. You don’t need to do more to be enough!

A Gentle Reminder

If perfectionism has been running the show, it makes sense. It likely helped you survive at some point.

But you’re allowed to choose something different now.

You can soften. You can slow down. You can let “good enough” be not just acceptable—but freeing.

Struggling With Perfectionism or Burnout?

At Her Time Therapy, we work with women who feel stuck in cycles of over-functioning, self-criticism, and emotional burnout.

Therapy can help you:

• Understand where perfectionism comes from

• Regulate your nervous system

• Build self-trust

• Practice boundaries and self-compassion

• Learn how to rest without guilt

If you’re ready for support, we’re here.

Call/Text (303) 900-8225 | info@hertimetherapy.com | www.hertimetherapy.com

About the Author

Lauren Veazey, MA, LPCC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counseling Candidate at Her Time Therapy, PLLC, a group therapy practice specializing in teletherapy for women. A mom of two with a particular passion for working with the perinatal and postpartum population, busy/overwhelmed women, and those experiencing grief, she believes in the healing power of therapy for women to love themselves, trust themselves, and know themselves.

*Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice and the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before undertaking a new treatment or health care regimen. 

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