How to Stop Getting Stuck in Distress: A Two-Step Shift from Overthinking to Action

We’ve all been there — replaying a conversation or situation in our minds, hoping that by thinking it through one more time, we’ll finally find peace. Instead, we often end up feeling worse.

Maybe you’ve caught yourself asking, “Why did this happen?” or “What should I have done differently?” That mental loop can be exhausting — especially for women who have experienced trauma or grown up needing to stay hyper-aware just to stay safe.

At Her Time Therapy, we often hear from women who feel trapped in this cycle of overthinking. It can feel like control, like vigilance, like staying one step ahead of danger. But what’s really happening is a nervous system stuck in protection mode.

This post walks through a simple but powerful two-step process to help you move from distress and overthinking into grounded, intentional action — the kind that helps you reconnect with peace and clarity.

Why We Get Stuck

When something painful happens, our brains try to solve it. We analyze and replay events, hoping that understanding them will help us feel better. But as many women know, what often follows is not resolution — it’s rumination.

For women who carry a history of trauma, or who’ve spent years managing constant responsibilities, overthinking can feel familiar, even necessary. It’s a way of trying to stay safe. But it’s also a trauma response.

Our nervous systems can’t always tell the difference between a threat from the past and one happening right now. That’s why anxiety, tension, or self-doubt can surface even in calm moments — our bodies are still trying to protect us from what’s already over.

Consider the story of Chelsey — a made-up client based on many real women’s experiences. Chelsey, a woman of color from a marginalized background, kept finding herself in workplaces where she was dismissed, undervalued, or treated unfairly. Despite changing jobs several times, the pattern followed her. Subtle microaggressions eroded her confidence, and every time she tried to speak up, she questioned herself: “Am I overreacting?”

Underneath, Chelsey carried childhood experiences of abuse and high expectations. From a young age, she learned that to be safe, she had to be perfect. So each time she encountered injustice at work, it didn’t just hurt — it confirmed an old belief that she wasn’t enough.

That kind of self-doubt is exhausting. Chelsey lay awake replaying conversations, trying to figure out what she should have said. Over time, that overthinking turned into panic attacks and burnout.

It wasn’t until she entered therapy that she began to see the pattern clearly: she wasn’t broken. She was surviving. Her nervous system just needed space to calm down before she could see herself — and her options — clearly again.

As researcher Dr. Susan Nolen-Hoeksema wrote in Women Who Think Too Much, women are more prone to rumination not because we’re weak, but because we’ve been conditioned to care, to analyze, to manage relationships and emotions. That skill can serve us well — but it can also keep us stuck.

Step 1: Process and Reframe

The first step in breaking the cycle of overthinking is to process and reframe.

This means creating space to validate your emotions and calm your body so you can access what Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) calls the wise mind — the grounded place where emotion and logic meet.

When you’re triggered, your mind goes into survival mode. The goal here isn’t to fix or explain what happened — it’s to remind your nervous system that you’re safe now.

Try reflecting with these journal prompts:

• What story am I telling myself about this situation?

• Am I being kind to myself, or repeating someone else’s voice?

• How might my identity and past experiences shape how I see this?

• Are my feelings about this moment, or are they connected to older pain?

• What’s my body trying to tell me right now?

• What would compassion look like in this moment?

A simple grounding exercise can also help you reconnect with your body:

1. Place one hand on your chest and one on your belly.

2. Take a slow, deep breath in.

3. Exhale gently and let your shoulders drop.

4. Notice where your body feels tense, and imagine sending breath or warmth to that area.

You might repeat silently: “It’s okay to feel this.” “I can be kind to myself right now.”“I am safe in this moment.”

These physical cues signal to your body that the stress cycle can complete. As Emily and Amelia Nagoski explain in Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, we can’t think our way out of stress — we have to move through it. Movement, tears, laughter, creativity, or connection all help your body recognize that the threat has passed.

Once your body feels safe, your mind can follow.

Step 2: Shift Focus and Take Action

After your emotions have been acknowledged and your body has grounded, you’re ready for Step 2: shift focus and take action.

This step isn’t about pushing away pain — it’s about reclaiming your ability to respond with intention.

Try asking yourself:

• Are my thoughts tied to the past or the present?

• How is this moment different from when I was hurt before?

• What part of this story feels ready to rest?

• What can I accept, even if it’s uncomfortable?

• What feels most important — just for today?

• What small action is within my control?

Action doesn’t have to mean doing something big. Sometimes the next right step is sending an email, tidying your space, or stepping outside for fresh air. Other times, it’s choosing rest — which is also an action.

For Chelsey, learning to rest — without guilt, without proving her worth — became one of the most radical acts of healing she could take.

Putting It All Together

This two-step process — process first, then shift — honors both your emotions and your agency. You don’t have to rush your healing, and you don’t have to stay stuck in distress longer than necessary.

You’re allowed to say, “I’ve done enough thinking for now.” You’re allowed to put the situation down and focus on what peace looks like for you today.

As Nolen-Hoeksema wrote, “The antidote to rumination is action — but not just any action. It’s compassionate, intentional action that reconnects you to your life.”

You are not what happened to you. You are what you choose to do with it now.

A Gentle Reminder

Every time you pause to ask, “What do I need right now?” or “What small step can I take today?” you’re retraining your nervous system. You’re showing it that safety and healing are possible.

You deserve to be present in your own life — not stuck replaying moments that hurt you, but creating the ones that heal you.

If this resonates with you, the therapists at Her Time Therapy are here to help.

We specialize in helping women break free from cycles of overthinking, self-doubt, and people-pleasing — so you can live with more peace and clarity.

Call/Text (303) 900-8225 | info@hertimetherapy.com | www.hertimetherapy.com

About the Author

Meagan Clark, MA LPC NCC BC-TMH, is a Licensed Professional Counselor and the Founder of Her Time Therapy, PLLC, specializing in teletherapy for women. Meagan earned her MA in School and Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Adams State University. She is a Board Certified Telemental Health Provider and Nationally Certified Counselor. Specializing in trauma, relationship issues, anxiety, and grief, Meagan also supports cancer patients and caregivers struggling with compassion fatigue. She believes in empowering women to navigate oppression and increase resilience.

Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice; the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before starting a new treatment regimen.

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