How To Help Your Kids Regulate Big Emotions During the Holidays

The holiday season is often painted as magical—twinkling lights, special traditions, joyful gatherings. And while there is so much joy to be found, there’s also something else many parents experience: more meltdowns, more tears, more clinginess, more big emotions from their kids.

Let’s acknowledge how frustrating that is! You’re already doing more—more planning, more spending, more coordinating—and you’re probably feeling a little (or a lot) dysregulated yourself.

Your kids are getting gifts. Treats. Special experiences. Everything they want. So shouldn’t they be acting better?

Why aren’t they satisfied?

Why are they still throwing fits?

Can't they just calm down and enjoy this special time, for crying out loud!?

Ugh, nope. They often can't. That’s not how nervous systems work.

For many kids, the holidays are emotionally intense. Even joyful stimulation can overwhelm a child’s system, and when regulation drops, behavior follows—no matter how much magic you're making for them.

And here's another hard thing: neuroscience shows that kids borrow calm from the adults around them. Your steady presence helps their nervous system settle. When you slow your breathing, soften your voice, and stay emotionally available, you become an anchor in the chaos. Essentially, they need regulated caregivers.

And around the holidays, that means you’re being asked to regulate them at the exact moment you’re most likely stretched thin yourself. Nooooo!

But here's some good news (finally!) There are ways to make this season feel more manageable—for your child and for you—and, most importantly, you do not need to do this perfectly.

Even small steps to help your kids regulate their big emotions, taken with awareness and compassion, can make a big difference.

1. Take Care of You First (This Is Not Selfish)

This may not be what you want to hear—but it’s what actually helps the most.

You cannot offer regulation if your own nervous system is completely depleted. Around the holidays, parents (especially moms) are often running on less sleep, more stress, and a constant mental checklist. Of course your capacity is lower. Of course patience wears thin faster.

Taking care of yourself looks like:

• Eating regular meals

• Drinking water

• Stepping into another room for a few deep breaths

• Letting something be “good enough” instead of perfect

• Saying "no" to one more obligation

When you tend to your own basic regulation, you’re not just helping yourself—you’re helping your child. A calmer caregiver creates a calmer environment, even when emotions run high.

2. Understand That Behavior Is Communication

When kids melt down during the holidays, it’s rarely about the cookie, the toy, or the transition itself. It’s about an overwhelmed nervous system.

Children don’t yet have the skills to say:

“Hey Mom, sorry that I can't keep my sh*t together right now, but I’m overtired, overstimulated, and out of routine. I need you to help me co-regulate, please.”

So, they show you instead. Clinginess, irritability, regression, and emotional outbursts are signs your child needs support, not punishment.

Shifting from “Why are you doing this!?” to “What does my child need right now?” can change the entire tone of a hard moment.

Ask yourself: what is behind the behavior? And do what you can to tend to that need.

3. Co-Regulate Through Big Emotions

When emotions spike, your child needs a calm guide. This doesn’t mean fixing the feeling or making it go away. It means staying present, validating their experience, and making it clear that all feelings are okay, but not all behavior is—and that you’re there to help them through it.

Let’s look at a common holiday moment.

A Script for Correction: Leaving a Christmas Party

You’ve given your three-year-old multiple heads-ups that it will soon be time to leave. When it’s finally time to go, they scream “NO!” and collapse into a tantrum.

First, pause, take a breath, and borrow this reminder from Dr. Becky:“They’re a good kid having a hard time.”

Using a steady, calm voice, name what’s happening and validate the feeling:

“You’re having so much fun and you don’t want to leave. That makes sense.”

Then clearly and calmly state the boundary:

“It’s time to go now, and I can’t let you scream at me because you're upset.”

If your child continues to resist, follow through without anger or extra explanation:

“Since you’re not able to walk with me, I’m going to pick you up and carry you to the car.”

You’re not asking for permission. You’re not negotiating. You’re offering support and leadership.

As you carry them, you can add reassurance if it feels helpful:

“I know this is hard. I’ve got you. We’re going to the car now.”

Correction done this way is not punishment—it’s containment. You’re showing your child that you can hold their big feelings and keep everyone safe and respectful.

These moments help your child’s nervous system settle and, over time, teach them how to move through big emotions with support and structure. And just as importantly, they teach your child that you are a steady, predictable presence—even when things feel overwhelming.

4. If You Do Lose Your Sh*t: Repair

No matter your best intentions, sometimes you don’t stay calm. Sometimes you raise your voice, snap, or feel yourself boiling over. Especially during the holidays.

Losing your sh*t doesn't doesn’t undo all the amazing parenting you've done. Because what matters most is repair.

Repair teaches children that relationships can bend without breaking. It models accountability, emotional awareness, and reconnection.

Once everyone is calmer—maybe later in the car, at home, or at bedtime—you can come back and say:

“I want to talk about what happened earlier.”

Name your part, without over-explaining or blaming your child:

“I got really frustrated and I raised my voice. That wasn’t okay.”

Reaffirm the boundary and the relationship:

“It was still time to leave, and it’s my job to keep us moving—but I want to handle that more calmly in the future.”

Offer reassurance:

“You weren’t in trouble. Your feelings were okay. I’m always here, even when things get hard.”

Then reconnect:

“Can we have a hug?” “Do you want to sit with me for a minute?”

Repair isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing your child that your relationship with them is safe, you're a human too, and mistakes—from either your end or theirs—don’t equal disconnection.

5. Keep Routines Where You Can—and Let Go Where You Can’t

Kids feel safest when life is predictable. The holidays disrupt almost everything that normally provides that sense of safety.

You don’t need to keep your entire schedule intact—but protecting a few anchors helps:

• A consistent bedtime routine (even if bedtime shifts)

• Regular meals and snacks

• Daily quiet or downtime

These familiar rhythms give the nervous system something to hold onto when everything else feels different.

6. Lower the Bar (Seriously)

Many parents feel pressure to create magical moments, meaningful traditions, and happy memories all the time.

But children don’t need more activities. They need more connection.

This might mean:

• Leaving the party early

• Skipping an event altogether

• Choosing one special thing instead of five

• Allowing rest instead of pushing through

• Scheduling down time and time for doing nothing

Lowering the bar doesn’t ruin the holidays. It often makes them more manageable—and more enjoyable—for everyone.

7. Remember What Kids Actually Carry With Them

Years from now, your child likely won’t remember the perfect decorations, the full calendar, or the expensive gifts.

They will remember how it felt to be with you. They will remember being comforted. They will remember feeling safe—even when they were overwhelmed.

Connection is the memory that lasts.

This holiday season, give yourself permission to slow down, soften expectations, and focus on what truly matters. Supporting kids through big emotions is real, demanding work—especially this time of year.

And the fact that you’re trying already means you’re doing something right.

Having Trouble Being the Calm, Steady Parent You Want to Be?

At Her Time Therapy, we work with parents and caregivers who are trying to hold it all together—often while navigating burnout, emotional overload, and the invisible labor of caring for others.

Therapy can be a space to slow down, regulate your own nervous system, and build tools that make hard moments with your kids feel more manageable.

If you’re curious about individual therapy, parenting support, or simply want a place where you get to be cared for, we’re here.

Call/Text (303) 900-8225 | info@hertimetherapy.com | www.hertimetherapy.com

About the Author

Lauren Veazey, MA, LPCC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counseling Candidate at Her Time Therapy, PLLC, a group therapy practice specializing in teletherapy for women. A mom of two with a particular passion for working with the perinatal and postpartum population, busy/overwhelmed women, and those experiencing grief, she believes in the healing power of therapy for women to love themselves, trust themselves, and know themselves.

*Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice and the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before undertaking a new treatment or health care regimen. 

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