What Motherhood Awakens: Healing the Past While Nurturing the Present

Becoming a mother can be one of the most profound and identity-shifting experiences in a woman’s life. But alongside the joy and newness, the postpartum period can also stir up emotional experiences from the past — ones you may not have realized were affecting you. If you find yourself overwhelmed, triggered, or emotionally flooded after having a baby, you're not alone. Sometimes the postpartum period becomes the moment when unhealed wounds demand to be acknowledged.

Why the Postpartum Period Is Emotionally Intense

The postpartum period is marked by major hormonal shifts, identity changes, disrupted sleep, and near-constant caregiving. It’s a time when you’re both physically vulnerable and emotionally raw. Even under ideal conditions, these changes are intense. But when you’re carrying unresolved emotional wounds, this vulnerable window can magnify what’s been lingering beneath the surface.

For many women, this includes experiences like:

Childhood trauma

Early experiences of neglect, abuse, or inconsistent caregiving can shape the way we regulate emotions and form attachments. Motherhood often brings these patterns to the forefront. The act of caring for a new baby can stir memories or body sensations from your own childhood — especially if your needs weren’t met in nurturing or safe ways. You might feel triggered, overwhelmed, or unsure how to parent differently than what you experienced.

Grief

Whether from the death of a parent, sibling, friend, or other significant person, becoming a mother can awaken a longing for people who aren’t here to witness this new chapter. Some women also experience a new wave of grief for their own unmet needs as children. These emotional layers can compound the intensity of the postpartum period.

Previous miscarriages or fertility struggles

If your path to motherhood included loss, infertility, or medical trauma, those experiences don’t automatically fade once a baby arrives. In fact, the postpartum period may stir fears of something going wrong, guilt for struggling after “getting what you wished for,” or difficulty bonding with your baby due to unresolved pain from what came before.

History of depression or anxiety

Even if you’ve previously “managed” your mental health without much support, the postpartum period can destabilize those hard-won coping strategies. Hormonal shifts, sleep deprivation, and the pressure of new responsibilities can make anxiety or depression feel newly unmanageable — or cause them to reemerge after a period of stability.

Unhealed relationship wounds or attachment trauma

If your early experiences with caregivers or romantic partners included emotional neglect, abandonment, or betrayal, becoming a parent can challenge your sense of safety and trust. It can also affect your ability to ask for help, communicate with a partner, or feel secure in your role as a mother — especially if your emotional needs are going unmet.

Perfectionism and self-worth tied to productivity or control

Many women enter motherhood with the belief that being “good” means being endlessly capable, calm, and in control. When parenting disrupts your routine, rest, or sense of mastery, it can trigger feelings of failure. If your self-worth has long depended on being high-functioning or self-sacrificing, the chaos of postpartum may feel especially threatening.

High expectations around motherhood that don’t match reality

Messages from family, culture, or social media can create unrealistic expectations about what early motherhood “should” feel like. If you imagined feeling instantly joyful, fulfilled, or bonded — and instead feel lost, detached, or unsure — that mismatch can deepen shame and self-doubt. Many women begin to wonder if they’re the only ones struggling, when in truth, this disconnect is incredibly common.

How Does Unresolved Pain Shows Up in Motherhood?

As we’ve explored, the demands of new motherhood can stir up emotional pain. But how does that actually feel in day-to-day life? Often, it can show up as a vague sense that something is off — a heaviness, a disconnect, or a feeling you can’t quite name. You may not immediately link it to past experiences, but your body and mind are carrying more than just the weight of the present moment. You might notice:

Emotional numbness, or feeling disconnected from your baby or partner

You may find yourself going through the motions — feeding, changing, rocking — but feeling emotionally flat. This can be especially confusing and guilt-inducing if you expected to feel bonded or joyful. Numbness is often a protective mechanism your brain uses to shut down overwhelming emotions, especially if you’ve learned that vulnerability isn’t safe.

Increased anxiety, panic, or intrusive thoughts

Postpartum anxiety doesn’t always look like constant worry — sometimes it shows up as racing thoughts, tightness in the chest, or terrifying mental images you can’t explain. If you’ve had past trauma or a history of anxiety, your brain might already be wired to stay on high alert. The pressure of keeping a tiny human alive can magnify this into hypervigilance or panic.

Feeling “not good enough,” no matter what you do

If your self-worth has long been tied to achievement, approval, or being in control, motherhood can feel like an endless loop of failure. You may constantly second-guess your choices, compare yourself to others, or spiral into shame. That “not good enough” feeling isn’t a sign you’re failing — it’s often the echo of internalized beliefs about your worth.

Postpartum rage or irritability that surprises and scares you

You might find yourself snapping at your partner, yelling in frustration, or seething with resentment — only to be hit with shame afterward. Rage is often the tip of the iceberg. Beneath it may be exhaustion, powerlessness, or pain that hasn’t been acknowledged. If you weren’t allowed to express anger growing up, it may have stored itself in your body — waiting for a moment of overwhelm to explode.

Deep sadness or a return of past grief you thought you had processed

Holding your baby might bring up grief for someone you’ve lost, or sadness for the kind of care you never received. It’s not uncommon for women to grieve their own childhoods, strained relationships, or missed milestones once they become mothers. These waves of sadness are signals — not that you’re broken, but that something inside you still needs tending to.

Avoidance of certain thoughts, memories, or even caring for yourself

If certain thoughts feel too painful or overwhelming, you might find yourself numbing out, dissociating, or avoiding your own needs. Maybe you skip meals, avoid mirrors, or stay busy to the point of burnout. Avoidance can be a trauma response — your brain’s way of protecting you from deep discomfort about your very self.

These aren’t failures. These are symptoms — your brain and body trying to manage emotional overload with the tools they have. But you don’t have to do it alone. Naming what’s happening is the first step toward healing. And with support, it’s possible to change the narrative — one that honors both where you’ve been and where you want to go.

Tending to Yourself Is Part of Motherhood

The postpartum period doesn’t just demand care for your baby — it’s also a powerful call to care for yourself in a deeper way. When old wounds resurface, it can feel overwhelming, but it can also be an invitation: to slow down, to listen inward, and to begin (or continue) healing. It is possible to:

• Make sense of your past experiences and understand how they’re affecting your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors now

• Learn tools to manage anxiety, panic, or emotional overwhelm so you can respond instead of react

• Rebuild a sense of self-worth that isn’t based on perfection, performance, or people-pleasing

• Strengthen your bond with your baby and move through early motherhood with more clarity and confidence

• Redefine what being a "good mom" is because — spoiler alert — it has nothing to do with being perfect all the time

  
  

You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Motherhood is intense — even without the weight of unresolved life experiences. If you’re in the thick of it, or bracing for what’s ahead, you don’t have to carry it all alone.

In a recent episode of Her Time To Talk, we discussed the emotional realities of new motherhood. We talked about my personal experience with miscarriage, postpartum anxiety, intrusive thoughts, and the identity shifts many new mothers face. You can listen to the full conversation here. Whether you're a new parent or someone navigating fertility, I hope the insights shared may help you feel seen and understood.

Therapists at Her Time Therapy are in tune with the needs of women, including those in their perinatal period. If you're unsure where to start or need guidance, our therapists are here to provide compassionate support and personalized care to help you on your journey. Check our our website, schedule an appointment, or contact us for a free 15-minute consultation call for a free therapist match to see how we can best help.

Her Time Therapy, PLLC is an integrative group counseling practice comprised of licensed

therapists in Colorado who specialize in providing convenient and empowering online therapy for women.

You can feel confident working with a Her Time therapist because we are women who get it—we recognize that women like you experience a unique set of biological, environmental, economic, and social challenges that have a real impact on your mental health and are deserving of specialized support.

Call/Text (720) 255-1667 | info@hertimetherapy.com | www.hertimetherapy.com 

About the Author

Lauren Veazey, MA, LPCC, NCC, is a Licensed Professional Counseling Candidate and Assistant Practice Manager for Her Time Therapy, PLLC, a group therapy practice specializing in teletherapy for women. With a particular passion for working with the perinatal and postpartum population, busy/overwhelmed women, and those experiencing grief, she believes in the healing power of therapy for women to love themselves, trust themselves, and know themselves.

*Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice and the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before undertaking a new treatment or health care regimen. 

*Affiliate Disclosure: This post may contain ads and affiliate links that Her Time Therapy, LLC earns a small commission from when you make a purchase by clicking links on our site at no additional cost to you. As an Amazon Associate, we earn from qualified purchases. Rest assured, we only recommend products we've used ourselves and would feel comfortable recommending to clients to improve their physical, mental, and emotional well-being.