Surviving (and Maybe Even Enjoying) the Holidays

Let’s be real: the holidays are complicated. Sure, there are twinkle lights, warm traditions, and that cozy feeling when the first holiday song comes on the radio. But there’s also family tension, financial pressure, grief for the people we miss, and schedules so jam-packed you forget what day it is. It’s a lot!

For many people, the holidays bring as much stress as they do joy. In fact, surveys consistently show that Americans report higher levels of stress, anxiety, and conflict during November and December than at any other time of year. And the stress isn’t only emotional, it’s physical. Maybe you’ve noticed it yourself: tight shoulders, a racing heart, headaches, restless sleep. That’s your body telling you it’s overloaded.

Here’s the good news: reducing holiday stress doesn’t mean you need to overhaul your life, skip all the events, or retreat under the covers until January. Small changes can make a big difference. A handful of practical tools—things you can actually use in real time—can help you approach the holidays with more steadiness, even if the stressors themselves don’t disappear.

Why Holidays Feel So Stressful

Holidays tend to bring together a perfect storm of stress triggers:

• Family dynamics: Old conflicts resurface, boundaries get tested, and expectations run high.

• Finances: Extra spending on gifts, travel, or hosting can create a serious strain.

• Grief and loneliness: The season can highlight who isn’t with us anymore or remind us of relationships we wish were different.

• Time pressure: Work deadlines, school events, holiday shopping, and travel pile up.

• Expectations: Social media and culture paint a picture of “perfect holidays” that few of us can achieve.

Add these together, and it’s no surprise your body and mind start to feel maxed out.

Read on for how to start easing the pressure—one step at a time, with simple practices that help you feel more grounded and in control.

Step One: Notice Your Stress

The first step in handling holiday stress is simply to notice it. We often push ourselves through the season on autopilot, telling ourselves “it’s fine” while ignoring what’s actually going on inside. Try paying attention to the clues:

• What do you feel in your body when stress hits? (Tense jaw? Knots in your stomach? Racing heart?)

• What thoughts tend to show up? (“I can’t keep up.” “I’m failing everyone.” “This will never get better.”)

• How do you usually react? (Overcommitting, overeating, withdrawing, snapping at loved ones.)

This awareness matters because once you can name it, you can work with it.

Step Two: Reset Your Body

When you’re overwhelmed, your nervous system is stuck in “fight or flight.” The fastest way to shift out of that mode isn’t by thinking your way out. It’s by calming your body. A few options to try:

• 4–6 Breathing. Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 6. Repeat for two minutes. This signals safety to your nervous system.

• 5-Senses Grounding. Notice 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, and 1 thing you taste. This pulls you back to the present moment.

• Mini movement. Step outside, stretch your arms overhead, and shake out tension for 30 seconds. Physical reset = mental reset.

Think of these as quick remedies you can use anywhere, at a family gathering, in the car, even in the bathroom if you need a private moment.

Step Three: Rethink Boundaries

Boundaries often get blurry during the holidays. Between invitations, traditions, and family expectations, many people end up saying yes when they want to say no. The result? Resentment, exhaustion, and stress overload.

A boundary doesn’t have to be harsh. In fact, it can be kind and simple. One helpful formula is CBK … Calm, Brief, Kind.

• Calm: Use a steady tone.

• Brief: Keep it short, no over-explaining.

• Kind: Acknowledge the relationship.

For example: “I really appreciate the invite. I’ll stop by for dessert this year, but not for dinner. Looking forward to seeing you.”

Boundaries protect what you value. Saying no to one thing means you can say yes to something else, like rest, peace, or quality time.

Step Four: Watch Your Thinking Traps

Stress doesn’t just come from what’s happening. It comes from how we interpret it. Holiday stress often shows up in thought traps:

• Catastrophizing: “If dinner goes badly, the whole holiday is ruined.”

• All-or-Nothing Thinking: “Either it’s perfect or it’s a disaster.”

• Mind-Reading: “They must think I’m a failure for not hosting this year.”

When you catch a thought trap, try this quick reframe:

• Name it: “That’s catastrophizing.”

• Normalize it: “Lots of people think this way under stress.”

• Next step: “What’s one small thing I can do right now?”

This shift won’t erase your stress, but it takes away some of its power.

Step Five: Create a Plan B

Even with all the best coping tools, the truth is: stressful moments will happen. That’s why it helps to have a backup plan. Think of it as your Holiday Coping Plan.

Fill in the blanks:

• If __________ (trigger), then __________ (skill or action).

Examples:

• If my relatives start arguing politics, then I’ll excuse myself, take three breaths, and step outside for five minutes.

• If I feel overwhelmed at the store, then I’ll pause, drink some water, and remind myself it’s okay to leave and come back later.

Knowing you have a fallback option can lower stress before you even need it.

Step Six: Care for Grief and Loneliness

Not everyone feels festive during the holidays. If you’re grieving someone you’ve lost, or if you feel the ache of loneliness, the season can magnify that pain. It helps to plan for those moments:

• Create a ritual of remembrance (light a candle, share a story, look through photos).

• Allow yourself to say no to certain traditions if they’re too painful this year.

• Reach out, don’t wait for others to notice you’re struggling. Call a friend, join a support group, or talk with a therapist.

Grief and loneliness are part of the human experience. Giving them space can make the holidays gentler.

The Bottom Line

The holidays will always have some stress. It’s part of life. But stress doesn’t have to run the show. By noticing your stress signals, calming your body, setting boundaries, reframing unhelpful thoughts, and having a Plan B, you can navigate the season with more steadiness.

Remember: it doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

Ready to Navigate the Holidays with More Ease?

If the season feels overwhelming, you don’t have to do it alone. At Her Time Therapy, we help women notice their stress, set boundaries, and create practical strategies to feel calmer, more present, and in control—one step at a time.

Whether you’re juggling family, grief, or just the chaos of everyday life, our therapists provide compassionate support and tools tailored to your needs.

Reach out to join our upcoming Holiday Stress Workshop or schedule a free consultation today. Take the first step toward a holiday season that feels manageable—and even joyful.

About the Author

Lurah Patrick, M.A. Candidate in Clinical Mental Health Counseling at Adams State University, is a graduate student therapist offering affordable telehealth services in Colorado under licensed supervision with Her Time Therapy. She brings a narrative and existential lens to counseling, helping clients slow down, feel heard, and reconnect with their own wisdom. With a special interest in life transitions, including menopause, ADHD in adulthood, shifting family roles, and the search for personal meaning, Lurah creates a collaborative space where clients explore their stories with curiosity and compassion. Her approach is rooted in the belief that healing begins with connection: to self, to others, and to possibility. She guides clients in uncovering resilience, reframing limiting stories, and cultivating confidence to move forward on their own terms. When she's not counseling, Lurah can be found hiking in Colorado with her wonderful therapy dog, sculpting stone, or dreaming up her next adventure as a writer and traveler.

Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice; the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before starting a new treatment regimen.

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