How To Increase Joy in Your Life This New Year

The New Year often arrives with immense pressure.

New goals. New habits. New routines. New you.

Everywhere you look, you’re told that this is the moment to finally fix what’s "wrong"—to optimize your life, improve yourself, and become some "upgraded" (read: thinner, more organized, more productive, more disciplined) version of yourself.

And listen—growth can be wonderful. Change can be meaningful. As a therapist, I obviously believe in the power of transformation.

But also? You’re not broken or something that needs to be fixed.

So what if this year didn’t start with a list of things you need to change, but with curiosity about what already brings you back to yourself?

What if your New Year's resolution wasn’t about becoming someone different, but about increasing more of what already helps you feel joyful, grounded, and likeyou?*

At a Glance: How to Increase Joy This Year

• Joy isn't a reward you earn after fixing yourself — it's something available to you right now, as you are

• Joy leaves clues: notice when your shoulders drop, when time flies, when you feel most like yourself

• Most women already know what brings them joy — the barrier is permission, not information

• Joy doesn't require ideal conditions — five minutes, half-present, imperfect still counts

• Protecting joy sometimes means saying no to obligations and yes to what actually nourishes you

• The goal isn't constant happiness — it's creating more moments where your body feels safe enough to exhale

A Gentler Question for the New Year

Instead of asking:

“What needs to change about me?”

Try asking:

“Where does joy already show up—and how can I invite more of it?”

Joy leaves clues.

It’s in the moments where your shoulders drop. The activities where time passes quickly. The people you feel more like yourself around. The routines that feel grounding rather than draining.

This year doesn’t need a total overhaul. It needs more attunement to what is already good in your life. Here's how to do that.

1. Notice What Makes You Feel Most Like You

Joy doesn’t always announce itself loudly. Sometimes it whispers. It might sound like:

“Ahhh.

“I didn’t realize how much I needed that.”

“I feel more like myself again.”

Pay attention to moments when you feel like you can release any tension you've been holding, your breath deepens, or your brain stops running twelve tabs at once.

What can you easily get lost in because it's so enjoyable and safe for your system? What helps your inner flame burn brighter?

Maybe it’s:

• Walking outside without any distractions

• Rereading your favorite book

• Watching a show that makes you laugh without making you think

• Scream-singing along to your favorite album in the car

• Being around that one friend you don’t have to explain yourself to

• Indulging in a hobby (even if no one else "gets" it)

  
  

Important note: None of these need to be productive. Or impressive. Or self-improving. If it helps you feel more you, it counts.

Your nervous system already knows what brings relief. Your only job is to notice—and do more of it, little by little.

2. Give Yourself Permission to Indulge in Joy

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge that things are hard right now. Financial stress, political unrest, attacks on women’s rights—these challenges are very real. It’s okay to notice that. In fact, it’s imperative to allow yourself joy alongside all of it. Joy is not a luxury. It can coexist with difficulty. It is your birthright.

Most women already know what makes them happy—they just don’t give themselves permission to enjoy it.

Permission to rest before earning it. Permission to do something just because it feels good. Permission to repeat what works instead of always chasing the next big thing.

Culturally, we treat joy like a reward:

Once I’m more organized… Once I lose weight… Once things calm down… Once I finally figure myself out… **then** I can enjoy life.

But here’s the truth: increasing your joy isn’t about waiting until things are perfect to give into it. It’s about doing more of what already works.

Making a little more room for joy in your life might look like:

• Saying no to an obligation so you can say yes to something that lights you up

• Scheduling downtime the way you’d schedule a meeting (yes, seriously)

• Letting joy be small, quiet, and unspectacular—and still enough

  
  

Joy doesn’t need optimizing. It just needs a little protection—and a lot of permission.

3. Let Joy Be Imperfect

Many women unintentionally block joy with perfectionism.

“If I can’t do it fully, why bother?”

“If it won’t last, what’s the point?”

“If I can’t enjoy it the right way, I won't do it at all."

But joy doesn’t require ideal conditions.

Five minutes still counts. Half-present still counts. Enjoyment mixed with stress still counts.

Joy is not all-or-nothing. It’s something your body practices recognizing over time.

4. Still Not Sure Where to Start? Try These Joy-Cultivating Exercises

These little prompts and experiments help you notice, invite, and protect more moments that make you feel like you.

1. The Mini Joy Inventory. Take 5–10 minutes to list:

• People who make you feel alive

• Activities that make time fly

• Small things that soothe or delight your senses

  
  

Then pick one to actually do this week. Bonus points if it’s something that feels silly or indulgent.

2. Permission Slip. Write yourself a literal or mental note that says:

“I give myself permission to do this just for fun. No explanation needed.”

It can be anything—watching a truly ridiculous TV show, dancing in your kitchen, crocheting something that looks like crap. Sign it. Seal it. Own it.

3. Spot the Relief. Throughout the day, notice moments when your body softens. Your jaw unclenches, your breath eases, or you smile for seemingly no reason. Journal them in one sentence. Example:

“That hot shower felt like a tiny vacation.”

Over time, you’ll notice patterns and can invite these moments more intentionally.

4. Joyful Micro-Adventures. If you're having trouble naming things you already do that feel joyful, add one thing to your calendar this week that sparks curiosity or novelty—walk a different route, try a new coffee, read something totally random. Joy can be found in surprising ourselves with delighting in something new.

5. Let Joy Be Messy, Inconsistent, and Imperfect

Some days joy will feel easy. Some days it won’t show up at all.

That doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

Joy isn’t a permanent emotional state—it’s a relationship. One that shifts with grief, stress, hormones, seasons, and life.

The goal isn’t constant happiness. The goal is creating more moments where your body feels safe enough to exhale.

A New Year That Feels Like You

This year doesn’t need to be louder, busier, or more impressive.

It can be quieter. Softer. More honest.

A year built on noticing what already nourishes you—and choosing it more often—isn’t lazy or unambitious.

It’s regulating. It’s sustainable. And it’s deeply humanizing.

Want Support in Increasing Your Joy?

At Her Time Therapy, we work with women who are tired of striving and ready to feel more present, regulated, and connected to themselves.

Therapy can be a space to:

• Identify what truly nourishes you

• Untangle guilt around rest and pleasure

• Learn how to listen to your nervous system

• Create a life that feels sustainable—not just successful

  
  

If you’re ready for support that honors who you already are, we’re here.

Call/Text (303) 900-8225 | info@hertimetherapy.com | www.hertimetherapy.com

Frequently Asked Questions

Why is it so hard to feel joy even when things are going okay?

This is more common than most women realize, and it doesn't mean something is wrong with you. Chronic stress, burnout, people-pleasing, and living in survival mode all dampen the nervous system's ability to access positive emotions — even when external circumstances improve. If you've been in output mode for a long time, your system may need practice recognizing and tolerating joy before it starts to feel more available. That's not a character flaw. It's a nervous system response.

What's the difference between joy and happiness?

Happiness tends to be tied to specific circumstances — something good happens, you feel happy. Joy is quieter and more internal. It's the sense of ease, aliveness, or rightness that can coexist with difficulty. It's the moment where your breath deepens or your shoulders drop without a particular reason. Joy is more like a state your body can access than a feeling that depends on everything going right.

I feel guilty when I do things just for fun. Is that normal?

Extremely normal, especially for women who have been socialized to believe their worth is tied to productivity, caretaking, or usefulness. The idea that rest and pleasure have to be earned is deeply culturally ingrained — and it's one of the most common things that blocks women from experiencing joy. Noticing the guilt is a great first step. Doing the joyful thing anyway, guilt and all, is how you start to rewire it over time.

What if I genuinely don't know what brings me joy anymore?

This happens — especially after prolonged stress, loss, or a season of putting yourself last. If joy feels hard to locate, start smaller than you think you need to. Rather than asking "what makes me happy," try asking "what feels slightly less draining?" or "what do I feel even a tiny pull toward?" Those small signals are your nervous system starting to point the way. A therapist can also help you reconnect with what's been dormant.

Is it selfish to prioritize joy when so much is hard right now?

No. Joy and difficulty can coexist — in fact, accessing joy in the middle of hard times is one of the most sustainable ways to maintain your capacity to keep showing up. Depleting yourself completely doesn't serve anyone around you. Protecting your joy isn't an escape from hard things. It's part of how you stay resourced enough to face them.

Can therapy actually help with something like joy?

Yes — and this is often underestimated. Therapy helps women identify what's blocking their access to joy (guilt, perfectionism, burnout, trauma, disconnection from self), untangle the belief that pleasure has to be earned, learn to listen to their nervous system, and create space for what actually nourishes them. If joy feels out of reach or guilt-ridden, that's worth exploring in a therapeutic space.

About the Author

Lauren Veazey, MA, LPCC, NCC, where she provides online counseling for women in Colorado. She specializes in supporting women through prenatal and postpartum periods, motherhood, trauma, relationship concerns, and grief, using a feminist, trauma-informed, and client-centered approach. Lauren integrates evidence-based modalities including Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness-based techniques to help clients better understand their thoughts, regulate emotions, and build healthier patterns in their daily lives. She is passionate about helping women reconnect with joy, permission, and a sense of self that isn't defined by productivity or the needs of others.

Disclaimer: This blog does not provide medical advice and the information contained herein is for informational purposes only. This blog is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of a licensed health provider before undertaking a new treatment or health care regimen.

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