You might not always say it out loud.
​But internally, there’s a constant stream of thoughts:
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“I should be doing better.”
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“Why am I like this?”
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“I need to fix this.”
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“I’m not enough.”
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You push yourself.
You overthink.
You try to get it “right.”
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And still, it doesn’t feel like enough.
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Many of the women we work with are high-functioning, capable, and deeply self-aware . . . but also struggle with downright vicious self-talk.
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Over time, that harsh, relentless inner voice starts to shape everything:
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How you see yourself
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How you show up in relationships
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How you treat your body
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How you make decisions
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At Her Time Therapy, we help women understand where that voice comes from (*spoiler: it's not your fault!) and how to change their relationship with it.
Why Negative Self-Talk Is So Common for Women
Negative self-talk is not random.
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It’s learned.
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Many women grow up in environments where they are taught, directly or indirectly, to:
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Be self-critical in order to improve
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Prioritize others’ needs above their own
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Measure their worth by how they look, perform, serve, or are perceived by others
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Avoid being “too much” or “not enough”
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Over time, this becomes internalized.
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The external expectations become an internal voice.
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And that voice can sound like:
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Pressure
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Criticism
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Perfectionism
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Self-doubt
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This is not a lack of confidence.
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It’s a pattern.
How This Impacts Self-Worth
​When negative self-talk becomes constant, it starts to shape your sense of self.
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You may notice:
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Feeling like you’re never doing enough
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Difficulty feeling proud of yourself
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Comparing yourself to others
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Tying your worth to productivity or appearance
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Second-guessing your decisions
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Feeling disconnected from your identity
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Believing you can bully yourself into being better
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Self-worth becomes conditional:
“I’ll feel okay about myself when…”
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And that “when” keeps moving.
Why This Pattern Is Reinforced (and hard to break free from)
​It’s important to understand:
This dynamic doesn’t exist in a vacuum.
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Women are not just individually struggling with self-worth, these patterns are reinforced by the culture around you.
We live in a society that consistently directs women’s
attention toward:​
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How they look
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How much they weigh
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How they compare to other women
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How much space they take up, physically and emotionally
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From a young age, many women are taught, subtly and overtly, that being smaller, more controlled, and more “acceptable” will make them more valued, more loved, and more safe.
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This is not accidental.
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When women are taught to focus their energy on:
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Dieting
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Over-exercising
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Self-monitoring
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Comparison
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Self-improvement
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it keeps a significant amount of their mental, emotional, and physical energy directed inward.
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Toward themselves as the “problem.”
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Rather than outward, toward the systems and conditions that actually impact their lives.
Because when that energy shifts outward, it raises bigger questions:
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Why are women still paid less than men for the same work?
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Why is there so little structural support for mothers and caregivers?
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Why is access to healthcare, safety, and autonomy still unequal?
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These are not individual problems.
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They are systemic ones.
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But when you’ve been taught to believe:
“If I just fix myself, things will feel better”
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It becomes easy to stay stuck in cycles of self-criticism and control.
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Not because you’re doing something wrong—
But because you’ve been taught to look in the wrong direction.
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In therapy, part of the work is gently shifting that perspective:
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Understanding what is yours to heal and change
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and what was never yours to carry in the first place
The Connection Between Self-Worth, Body Image, and Control
​For many women, self-worth is closely tied to their body.
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You may find yourself:
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Hyper-aware of how you look
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Critical of your body
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Constantly trying to change or control it
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Using food, exercise, or routines to feel “in control”
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Sometimes these patterns stay within a range of:
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Rigid habits
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Guilt around food or rest
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Overexercise
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Restriction or cycles of control
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Other times, they may signal something more serious. It is not unusual for us to see clients that hyper focus and hyper control themselves their bodies, what they eat, how much they exercise because it feels as if that is the only thing they can control. When past experiences make it feels as if so much of the world is unsafe, unpredictable, and out of our scope of control, we turn to what is sometimes to a pathological extent that is damaging instead of protective.
Support for Disordered Eating & Exercise Patterns
At Her Time Therapy, we work with women who are:
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Navigating body image struggles
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Noticing patterns of disordered eating or overexercise
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Maintaining recovery after eating disorder treatment
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We want to be clear:
We are not an eating disorder treatment center.
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Eating disorders are life-threatening conditions that need to be handled with care and the right level of specialized, often in-person, support for where you are in symptom intensity.
The best eating disorder treatments will include an integrative team comprised of therapists, dietitians, and physicians to help those with acute disordered eating or exercise patterns recover in a healthy way.
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However, here at Her Time Therapy, our therapists play an important role in:
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Helping you identify and course-correct disordered patterns early
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Assessing whether a higher level of care may be needed and providing the referrals you need when you need them
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Supporting you in getting connected to the right people, places, and resources
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Providing ongoing therapy to maintain recovery and prevent relapse post higher level care
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Many women benefit from having a therapist who can support both:
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The behavioral patterns
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And the underlying emotional and relational dynamics
Our Approach to Self-Worth & Negative Self-Talk
At Her Time Therapy, we don’t just try to “replace negative thoughts with positive ones.”
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We go deeper.
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Our approach is:
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Trauma-informed
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Feminist
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Relational
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Evidence-based
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We focus on:
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Understanding where your inner voice developed
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Identifying patterns of self-criticism and perfectionism
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Exploring how relationships and past experiences shaped your self-concept
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Shifting how you relate to yourself—not just what you say
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Building a more stable, internal sense of worth
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This is not about forcing yourself to “love yourself.”
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It’s about creating a relationship with yourself that feels:
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More compassionate
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More grounded
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More honest
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This work is often grounded in answering the question, “whose voice is that?” when that internal critical voice comes to the service. Most of the time, this is not truly your voice - it is one that you’ve adopted from another critical person or system you’ve experienced.
What Change Can Look Like
Online Therapy for Self-Worth &
Body Image in Colorado
Her Time Therapy provides online therapy for negative self-talk, self-worth, and body image for women across Colorado.
This allows you to:
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Access therapy from a comfortable, private space
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Stay consistent without commuting
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Integrate what you’re learning into your daily life
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Online therapy is highly effective for this work, especially when sessions are consistent and grounded in your real-world experiences.
When to Consider
Therapy
Therapy can help if:
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Your inner voice is constantly critical or negative
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You struggle to feel “good enough”
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Your self-worth feels tied to performance or appearance
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You feel stuck in patterns around food, exercise, or control
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You’re recovering from an eating disorder and want continued support
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You feel disconnected from yourself
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It can also be important to reach out for support if you’re experiencing:
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Persistent feelings of hopelessness
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Thoughts about not wanting to be here or wishing you could disappear
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Thoughts of harming yourself
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If you are having active suicidal thoughts or feel at risk of acting on them, therapy alone is not the first step in that moment.
You deserve immediate support.
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You can call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the United States, to connect with a trained counselor 24/7. If you are in immediate danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room.
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Once you are safe, ongoing therapy can play a critical role in helping you:
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Understand where these thoughts are coming from
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Reduce their intensity and frequency
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Build coping strategies and support systems
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Feel more stable, supported, and connected
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You do not have to navigate this alone, and reaching out for help is a meaningful and important step.
Start Therapy at Her Time
You don’t have to keep living with a voice that tears you down.
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And you don’t have to figure this out alone.
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We offer free consultation calls so you can learn more about our approach and find the right fit.
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You deserve a relationship with yourself that feels supportive, not critical.
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Schedule your FREE consultation today.
Frequently Asked Questions
Why is my inner voice so negative?
Negative self-talk is often learned through early experiences, relationships, and societal expectations. Over time, it becomes internalized and automatic—but it can be changed with awareness and support.
About the Author
Meagan Clark, MA, LPC, NCC, BC-TMH is the Founder, CEO, and Clinical Director of Her Time Therapy, a group practice specializing in online mental health counseling for women.
She is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Colorado and Georgia, a National Certified Counselor, and a Board Certified Tele-mental Health provider through the NBCC.
Meagan specializes in trauma, anxiety, relationship issues, and women’s mental health, and is passionate about helping women heal, build self-trust, and create fulfilling lives through evidence-based, trauma-informed care.
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As Clinical Director, she oversees and mentors a team of therapists at Her Time Therapy, ensuring that care across the practice is aligned with a feminist, trauma-informed, and integrative approach to women’s mental health.
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She works closely with women struggling with self-esteem, self-doubt, and perfectionism, helping them build self-worth, develop self-trust, and create a more compassionate relationship with themselves.